Chasing Air Read online

  The time out in the sun had added a glow to her skin. After her shower, she applied a glistening bronzing lotion and tried to tame the unruly curls of her long, dark hair. She wanted to look cute, but not desperate. She hoped that it wasn’t going to be all couples and she would be the third wheel, several times over.

  It was almost time to go. With a couple of pieces of jewelry, she was put together as best as it was going to happen. She never had claimed to be a fashion diva, but previous years of having to dress nicely on special occasions had prompted her to hire a private stylist. She had learned a great deal about the tricks fashionable people used in pulling outfits together.

  Makenzie made it all the way to the elevator before she realized she hadn’t performed her usual ritual of checking each lock three times. What was she thinking? Was she getting too comfortable with this lapse in judgment?

  Makenzie returned to the loft. She did her usual double-check of everything. She opened the gun compartment and touched her revolver. She hadn’t feared using it ever since the FBI trained her. She pulled back the drawn curtain and open and closed the lock again. She confirmed the lock of each window. She scanned the room, memorizing it like she did every time she left. Then the realization of what she had done hit her hard. She’d just made plans with a complete stranger. It wasn’t the time to get careless. She sat down on the sofa and thought about calling the whole thing off. It was just dinner with a group of people, at a restaurant within walking distance. No one would care if she cancelled.

  I can have a good time, just keep it simple, she thought.

  She looked around her loft and fought the urge to be a coward.

  “Live life,” Rosalyn, her therapist, had once said.

  She made a final check before leaving again. Some things were better left as a standard routine. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have enjoyed herself at dinner and would’ve probably ended the night quickly.

  She walked through the lobby and found Jonathan standing by the front door, staring intently at the tiny screen on his phone. Her heels made a clicking noise on the floor, making her presence known. He looked up at her with a charming smile. “Hi Makenzie, I’m glad you’re joining us,” he said, presenting her with his arm.

  “You can call me Mak if you want.” She felt shy all of a sudden.

  As Jonathan escorted her out the door to the waiting valet, she found herself full of nervous energy. “Where are the others, didn’t you say it was a group?” Her voice was a bit shaky. She let go of his arm.

  “Yes, there’s ten of us all together. Some of the others went to secure our table. I thought the gentlemanly thing to do was wait on you since it’s your first time with the gang. Here, let me help you in the car.”

  Makenzie took a good look at Jonathan as he walked away from her. Tall, full thighs, nice backside in jeans. His dark blue dress shirt opened to reveal a bit of curly hair peeking through the unbuttoned neckline. His dark brown eyes and glossy black hair said Italian descent. He was an attractive man, but she knew all too well that attractive men could be dangerous. Her breath caught at her sudden remorse.

  “Hey Jonathan, isn’t it close enough that we could just walk?”

  “It is, but sometimes, a few drinks and heels don’t mix. Your choice, if you want to walk?”

  Makenzie thought about her situation. She knew she was close enough to run home, sans the shoes, if she needed to. She was torn between letting go of her past and moving forward.

  “Sure, I think you’re right.” She waved her hand towards the car.

  The valet held the door of the white Range Rover. A classy ride, and it suited Jonathan. He drove to the restaurant. Outwardly, he was polished and professional. She liked that. But it was his soft voice and the way his smile reached his eyes that made her feel comfortable with him right away. For the first time in over a year, she was alone in a car with a male companion other than an FBI agent.

  “Do you give all first-timers such personal service?” she asked with a sarcastic punch.

  He looked at her quickly, giving her a sheepish grin. “Only the beautiful ones.” His answer spelled out his attraction for her. He was handsome, had a nice car, was witty, and best of all, he didn’t have a wedding ring.

  Dropping off the car with the restaurant valet, he once again presented his arm to her, providing an escort to the group already gathered at the table. “Hey guys, say hello to Makenzie Holder. She’s been around for a few months, but hasn’t met any of the crew. Makenzie, this my sister, Sarah and her husband, Edward, and then in order it’s Shellie, Nikki, Ben, Kai, Megan and Jax. Now, the test is to repeat them all back in order--just kidding.” He laughed as he helped her take a seat next to Sarah, then took the seat directly across the table.

  The dinner and company was absolutely lovely. The group was having a great time and Makenzie found that she had some things in common with Kai. He was finishing up his residency in pediatrics at UT Southwestern Medical School. He and Megan were a couple and lived just underneath her on the 4th floor.

  Nikki flirted with Ben like she was very interested in him. Shellie and Nikki were roommates. Ben had just moved in ten weeks ago, so he was still getting settled. He was a pilot, so he had been absent the last few dinners. From the sound of it, this group of people tried to go out every Saturday night.

  By the end of the night, she had posed enough questions to the group that she kept the attention away from herself. She discovered that Jonathan was just three years older than her and was divorced with a six-year-old little boy. His ex-wife, Liza, lived close by and they shared parenting.

  “Jonathan’s a bit gun-shy over relationships right now. The divorce with Liza was tough on him,” Sarah whispered to Makenzie.

  “Sorry to hear that. One of those nasty ones, huh?” Makenzie asked in a comforting tone.

  “No, not in that way. Liza left him to rekindle a romance with her high school sweetheart. She said that she never got him out of her system. Jonathan was devastated. Since then, he hasn’t dated anyone.”

  “At all?” Makenzie couldn’t figure that out. He was gorgeous and obviously wealthy.

  “No, not that I’m aware. Of course, he could be picking up hookers for all that I really know. I’m just his younger sister.” Sarah gave a hearty laugh. Jonathan gave her a mock evil eye.

  The group enjoyed the evening and made plans to get together the very next week, same time, and same place, except for Makenzie. Unfortunately, she would be working the following weekend. She had two more weekends to work before her new schedule started as Chief of Emergency Medicine. When she told them she couldn’t join them, she noticed Jonathan’s disappointment.

  Sarah whispered in Makenzie’s ear that he had never invited anyone to join them before. She was impressed that he was reaching out of his comfort zone with her. This put a smile on Makenzie’s face.

  After dinner, they ventured over to Pete’s Dueling Piano Bar. This was a first for Makenzie, but the rest of the group seemed to be quite at home with the happenings at Pete’s. It was different from other clubs she’d been too, but exceptionally lively. Dang, now I’m regretting the stilettos, she thought.

  The premise of the club was to write the name of the song down and present it with a little cash tip. All the patrons would sing, dance and otherwise wildly entertain themselves. Jonathan pulled Makenzie close to his side and they danced around their little area a couple of times. She hadn’t had this much fun since her college days. When the bartender announced “last call,” Makenzie suddenly realized that she had been out later than she ever expected and hadn’t even yawned once.

  “Wow, last call. I had no idea it was that late.”

  “Neither did I. We always have fun when we get together and the time slips away quickly. I hope you’ll join us again, Mak?”

  “It would be my pleasure,” she said.

  Jonathan drove Makenzie back to the loft. He offered his arm to her as they walked into the lobby and kept close physical conta
ct to her in the elevator. When they got to her door, he turned her to face him and kissed her quickly on the cheek. “I’ve haven’t enjoyed myself this much in such a long time. I’d like to see you again. Since you work next Saturday, is there a chance that I can take you to dinner, sometime this week perhaps?” His voice was low and soft. His full, red lips were posed in a sexy smile. She found him charming and irresistible.

  “I’m off on Thursday, and I’d love to.” As soon as she said yes, he pulled her closer to him and kissed her passionately, his mouth taking hers. She could taste the remnants of wine still on his tongue and he tasted delicious. She could feel the beat of his heart through his chest as he held her close.

  Suddenly, he pulled away to arm’s length. “I’d better go. I gave you my card this afternoon with my cell on it. Call me tomorrow. Goodnight, Makenzie.” He quickly leaned in and kissed her cheek before he turned and walked away.

  Makenzie watched as he disappeared into the elevator. When she entered her loft, she felt wanted by a man for the first time in a very long time. She also felt her heart warm with desire, a craving that had been missing from her life. But, she was torn from letting go of her past. Would fear kept her locked into her old life forever, she wondered.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Makenzie quickly got into bed and for the first time in a long time went to sleep with a smile on her face. She felt free from the cloud of fear that had swallowed her for so long.

  As the room filled with light, Makenzie woke up to sunshine and smiles, until she glanced at the clock. One o’clock, that’s impossible, she thought, flying out of bed. She double checked her iPhone, yep, she had slept very late for the first time in years. While the rest was probably more necessary than she was willing to admit, she had a long to-do list, plus she needed to go shopping for her new office and she wanted to call Jonathan.

  She took his card from her bag. When she picked up her phone, she became aware of her sweaty palms and racing heartbeat. It reminded her of what a crush felt like. It had been so long that she had forgotten.

  Makenzie’s heart leapt in her throat as she dialed Jonathan’s number. Voicemail, dang it. “Hi Jonathan, its Makenzie. I wanted to thank you for a lovely evening. I’d forgotten how good it felt to go hang out. Give me a call when you get a moment.” She hated leaving voicemails. Who likes the sound of their own voice on voicemail? Seriously. Even worse was the waiting until the guy called back. She suddenly felt sixteen all over again.

  The chores had her busy for a while before she dressed to run errands. She made a trip to the office supply store and the usual stop at the small market within the neighborhood.

  While in the market, she rounded the corner a bit fast and ran into someone’s cart, spilling the contents of the basket she was carrying.

  “I’m really sorry, I should have watched where I was going,” she said as she picked up her items from the floor. When she stood back up and made eye contact with the driver of the grocery cart, she was shocked to see who she’d run in to. Detective Buchanan was all smiles.

  “Mak, great to see you. You live in this area?” He was dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and flip-flops. It was nice to see him casual and without the suit.

  “Hmm, yes, Detective, I live in Vitruvian Park. And you?”

  “Please call me Ryler. I’ve got a home a couple of blocks from here. Nice coincidence bumping into you. Hey, if you don’t already have plans this evening, I’m lighting up the grill. I hate eating alone. How about joining me for a little impromptu dinner, nothing fancy? It would be easier than arresting you for failing to control your speed while inside the market,” he said with a laugh.

  Makenzie laughed at his humor as well. “Well, I certainly don’t want to be arrested. Let’s see, I have laundry going at home, so I would need to run by there for a few minutes. Can we make it for about six o’clock? And only if I can bring something.”

  Her eyes shined up at him and he melted at the thought of getting her alone and away from her normal comfort zone of the ER department.

  “Sure, I’ll text you my address, what’s your cell number?”

  She gave him her number and realized that he’d made a sneaky shot at getting her number so quickly. She smiled.

  He saw her smile and couldn’t control his happiness, either.

  She noticed his chest puffed out and his stance seemed instantly taller. She was keenly aware that he thought he had harpooned her into a date. “Seriously, let me bring something.”

  He pointed to his cart, “I was going to grill this fish and I’ve got stuff for a fruit salsa. I think I’ve got everything. That’s if you even like fish, of course,” he said, not wanting to prepare something she didn’t like.

  “Absolutely. I’ll see you in a little bit then.”

  She turned to walk away, but not before he had a great laugh at her expense when she ran into the end-cap on the next aisle and knocked over a platform stacked with animal crackers.

  “Are you sure you want me to come to your house? I’m batting a thousand right now,” she said through her laughter.

  “I’m sure. I’ll see you around six.”

  After leaving the market, Makenzie was giddy, but also nervous. She was excited to spend some time alone with Ryler, wanting to get to know him, but she had to be careful with him. She couldn’t risk having him looking into her background. It would be so easy for him to discover that she wasn’t really Dr. Makenzie Holder.

  Anyone asking about her in her old life could get her, or more likely themselves, killed. Andrew “Drew” Donati and his family would come after her in a split second. The thought of Drew made her skin crawl and the hair on her neck stand up. She involuntarily looked at the door, almost like her body kicked into action. She went to the patio doors and double checked that they were locked as well. Old ghosts had come back, haunting her brain. She shook her head, trying to chase her fears away.

  Makenzie took a quick shower and got ready for her non-date with Ryler. She put on some music with a fun beat to change her mood. With hip-hop music piping through her apartment, she began to dance around and before long, she had relaxed.

  Hmmm, Ryler looked so sexy in a t-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops, she remembered.

  She decided to match him. She pulled out a pair of low riders, a pink t-shirt, and some flip flops. Hair up or down? She couldn’t decide. She tried to coax her long, wavy dark brown hair into some sort of a style, but it wasn’t working. Finally giving up, she pulled it back into a ponytail and put on a cute baseball cap. As she finished dressing and put on her flip flops, she gasped. These feet will not do. Dang, I need a pedicure, she thought.

  What if he had a foot fetish? Her next choice was flats. She took a deep breath and focused on the reality that it was just dinner with a new friend, nothing more. There was no need to self-inflict pressure to look cute.

  She grabbed a pair of leopard flats, changed her t-shirt to a black one, and decided to leave the outfit alone.

  Makenzie approached the elevator but couldn’t go in. She let the cart go. Backing up against the wall, she stood there, her heart racing a million beats a minute. The inner turmoil of her thoughts driving her nuts. One minute she’s happy to move forward and letting bits of the past slip away, and then boom… The past grabs her by the throat and she can’t breathe anymore. She tried hard to remember the training from the FBI therapist. Be smart. Remember the goal. Stay focused. Live.

  The navigation app said that Ryler lived less than a mile away. How convenient. She found his home with no problem. When she pulled up slowly into the drive, she was in awe of the beautiful, immaculately designed landscaping. The home was a lovely, stone and brick two story with old world design, sitting on a hill.

  She approached the front door to knock, but suddenly shuddered with nerves. Her brain was telling her this was dangerous territory, but her heart wouldn’t let her run. She knew that any involvement with an officer was a huge risk. She turned to walk back to her car when the fro
nt door opened.

  “Are you running away, Makenzie?”

  Shocked and unprepared, she turned back to him, stammering for her words. “N, n, no, I left my phone in the car. I thought I would grab it and my charger before I came in.” She knew her nervous behavior was obvious. But looking down, she realized she was busted.

  “Makenzie, you’re holding your phone in your hand. Now, be honest. Were you just going to leave and stand me up?” By this time, he had walked out onto the front porch with her, holding a hot pad in his hand.

  “Busted. Yep, I was ’bout to chicken out, Ryler. I’m not very good with the dating thing. Out of my comfort zone. I’m sorry, I’m a schmuck, I can’t do this. I should go.” She turned back towards her car only to have Ryler follow her. When he grabbed her arm, it startled her and she jerked back.

  “Don’t ever grab me again.”

  Her reaction left her unsurprised, but it completely shocked him. Where on earth did that come from, he wondered?

  Taking a couple of steps backwards and raising his hands up, he spoke. “Whoa, I apologize. I didn’t mean to startle you and I certainly wasn’t trying to force you to stay. I’m really sorry, Makenzie, for whatever happened to you that would make you so jumpy. Please know, you’re welcome here with no expectations. I just thought two new friends who didn’t have other plans could enjoy a nice dinner. I like to cook, I just don’t like to eat alone. Maybe we can try this again sometime. I’ll see you.” Instinctively, his reaction was to touch her or pat her arm, but he put his hand back down without making contact, and walked back into his house alone.

  Makenzie stood there on the sidewalk stunned. She felt awful for her behavior.

  After a moment, she walked back to the door and knocked. When he opened the door, he greeted her with a soft smile.

  “Ryler, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so rude.”